“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
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