“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
Tom Clancy
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” — Kenneth Grahame
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” —Stephen Colbert
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. -- Billy Graham
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”
— Unknown
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
Go to BabaMail
