“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
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