“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
- Bertrand Russell
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
Robin Williams
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
Anonymous
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
“Every man is a d*** fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
― Elbert Hubbard
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.”
- Raheel Farooq
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
Go to BabaMail
