"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
October, November, cool, cooold, cooooooldest, March, April.
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
“I’m a Capricorn and I’m mad loyal — mad loyal! — and I will always look for the good in people.”
— Jeannie Mai
“Nothing burns like the cold.” — George R.R. Martin
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”
– R. G. Daniels
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive.”
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“I’ve drank multiple cups of coffee, and Monday isn’t looking any better. Hey – give me a beer. Let’s see if that helps.”
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
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