Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
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