“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
“Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.”
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
“I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.”
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” —Dylan Brody
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey
“Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.”
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.
Mark Roberts
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
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