“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
Success is like toilet paper; it only seems important when you don’t have it.
Richard Jeni
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“I can’t get out of bed on days when the temperature is less than my age.”
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“Every man is a d*** fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
― Elbert Hubbard
Go to BabaMail
