“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4
“Sunday morning my head is bad. But it's worth all the time I had. But I've got to go and get some rest. For Monday is a mess!”
– Dave Bartholomew, Blue Monday
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”
- Jr. Williams.
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
I’m sure wherever my dad is he’s looking down on us… he’s not dead… just very condescending.
Jack Whitehall
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
Go to BabaMail
