"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”
Antonymous
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Yoga class? I thought you said ‘pour a glass’.” – Unknown
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
- Andy Richter.
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I wake up in the morning and lay in my bed waiting for my mom to prepare breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom."
— Unknown
"Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years."
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“‘Snow in April is abominable,’ said Anne. ‘Like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.’” — L.M. Montgomery
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
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