“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan