“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
Miles Kington
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." - Nora Ephron
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
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