"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“Fact. Pisces is the most wobbly sign of the zodiac.”
— Mary English
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
"Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years."
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
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