"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
"Bury me next to a straight man."
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
“I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.”
– Will Rogers
“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
“I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” — Stephen Colber
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
“Aries: You can't handle me even if I came with instructions.”
“Why is Monday so far from Friday? And why is Friday so close to Monday?”
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
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