“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”
- Jr. Williams.
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
— James Lileks
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
Go to BabaMail
