"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“If Monday were a person, it would be a boring friend who always forces us to do what we don’t want.”
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
"A Taurus always appears to be calm and steady, even when they feel like punching you in the face."
— Unknown
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
Jimmy Fallon
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Phyllis Diller
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”
— Charles Lamb
Go to BabaMail
