"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
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