“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“I got chucked out of yoga class after misinterpreting Half-Moon Pose.” – Unknown
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people."
- Victor Cousin
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“I find being a Pisces a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes! I can talk myself right in and right out of any decision, any subject, any time.”
— Mary English
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“That’s not how Aquarians operate. They don’t do things steadily, they are running about one day then comatose the next.”
— Mary English
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
— Rebecca Gober
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
Unknown
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” — Erma Bombeck
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
Go to BabaMail
