"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
"No one betrays a Gemini and gets off without a sound ear-bashing."
— Richard MacDonald
"Taurus won't forget it. Taurus doesn't forget anything."
— Linda Goodman
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception."
- Edgar Allan Poe
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“When a stupid man is doing something, he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” — Kenneth Grahame
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive.”
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis.
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"Ignorance is a form of environmental pollution."
Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
Go to BabaMail
