“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts
“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”
Anonymous
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
Gary Delaney
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.” —William Jennings Bryan
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.”
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“When it snows you have two choices. Shovel or snow angels.”
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
Go to BabaMail
