“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“My Week is like: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”
- Gustave Flaubert
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
“Monday, you're so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!”
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
Steven Wright
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
“Sometimes I would like to be a child again, and other times a woman made of snow.”
– Deirdre Sullivan
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“Monday should be optional.”
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
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