“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families."
— Jay McInerney
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Will Rogers
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“Dear winter, stop being so romantic, I’m single here.”
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
“I’m a Capricorn and I’m mad loyal — mad loyal! — and I will always look for the good in people.”
— Jeannie Mai
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
“I don’t need the facts. I’m a Pisces.”
— Phil Volatile
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.”
- Mark Hoppus
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
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