"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
– Scott Adams
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Rita Rudner
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
Bob Monkhouse
“It’s been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it’s trying to blackmail me.”
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
Unknown
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“When it snows you have two choices. Shovel or snow angels.”
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Go to BabaMail
