"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“Taurus: Lazy rule number 39: Can't reach it, don't need it.”
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.
Stewart Francis
“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.”
- Alice Walker
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
“Every man is a d*** fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
― Elbert Hubbard
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
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