“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
“You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal.”
— Elizabeth Taylor
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.
Mark Roberts
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well."
– Unknown
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
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