“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”
– R. G. Daniels
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm."
Anonymous
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Not telling me something because you don’t want to piss me off is probably the best way to piss me off.”
— ScorpioQuotes.com
"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Tina Fey
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
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