“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really.”
– Arthur Darvill
“The only certainty in this life is that Monday comes for everyone. A little humor to face at the beginning of the week always goes well. How about starting Monday smiling?”
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
“This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
- Will Rogers
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!”
Anonymous
“Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
Erma Bombeck
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey
“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“Unfortunately, I did not become a millionaire over the weekend, so I have to return to work on Monday.”
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“May your coffee be extra strong, and your Monday be extra short.”
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
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