"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.”
- Raheel Farooq
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.”
– Len Wein
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
- Edith Sitwell
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”
— Jarod Kintz
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
Go to BabaMail
