“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
"Time wounds all heels."
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
George Carlin
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“I find being a Pisces a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes! I can talk myself right in and right out of any decision, any subject, any time.”
— Mary English
“I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” — Stephen Colber
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
Steven Wright
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
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