“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.”
- Alice Walker
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
Go to BabaMail
