“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
– Scott Adams
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”
“I do an hour’s yoga and go running everyday. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot bellied idiot — and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” — Chris Martin
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“The only certainty in this life is that Monday comes for everyone. A little humor to face at the beginning of the week always goes well. How about starting Monday smiling?”
"The only b.s I need is bikini and sandals"
“L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there’s a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson — and when he shows up, they tell him there’ll be a ten-minute wait.”
Bill Maher
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them.” — Stephen Colbert
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
Go to BabaMail
