“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison