“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
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