“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
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