"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
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