"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard