"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
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