"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen