"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
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