"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
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