Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
I think we need to become better strangers.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
We should make like your parents and split.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
You are so right. And I am so left.
You look like my future ex wife.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.