What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Can we still share a netflix account?
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!