Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
We're donion rings.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
I think we need to become better strangers.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
I really like you. So does my wife.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
We should make like your parents and split.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”