Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
You look like my future ex wife.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
We should make like your parents and split.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Can we still share a netflix account?
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
"It's not me, it's you!"
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
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