What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
We're donion rings.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I really like you. So does my wife.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.