Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
We should make like your parents and split.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
I think we need to become better strangers.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
I think we need to become better strangers.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
You looked better when I was drunk.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
We're donion rings.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Can we still share a netflix account?
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
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