Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
I think we need to become better strangers.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
You are so right. And I am so left.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
We should make like your parents and split.
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