They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
You are so right. And I am so left.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
I really like you. So does my wife.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
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