"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope