Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
My fridge is hotter than you.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
So how many cats do you have?
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Are you a red light because stop.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
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