Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.