I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you