“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."