“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
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