"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
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