“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
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