“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
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