"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
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