Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
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