"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger