"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers