Seat

“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Is this seat saved? Because I am.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
A Blonde on a Train
A Blonde on a Train The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseated from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
The Rude Passenger
The Rude Passenger Years ago, a man needs to take a flight. As he gets to his plane seat, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him Once in the air, the stewardess comes round and the man asks her for a coffee. The parrot meanwhile squawks: “And get me a bloody whisky, you moron.” The stewardess, somewhat taken aback, remains composed and brings a whisky for the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, “And get me another darn whisky while you’re at it, idiot!” Visibly upset, the shaking stewardess returns shortly with a whisky for the parrot, but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man loses his temper and decides to try the parrot’s approach: “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, moron, now go and get it or I’ll give you a slap!” In a couple of seconds, two burly disguised security personnel grab both him and the parrot, take them to the emergency exits and throw them out. As they are falling from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says: “You know, for someone who can’t fly, you’ve got a big mouth.”
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.

The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
By the seat of one’s punt
Yo mama so fat she has to put her boobs in the back seat to drive.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.