Drug Jokes

You're like my drug - when I'm with you, I feel Absinthe-minded.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
“There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'”
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
The Drug Sniffing Dog man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog. His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work." The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Say, that's pretty neat." replies the first man. Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" says his seat mate. The agent then tells Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?" The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
I am the drug of your dreams, I got a long duration of action.
Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
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