Play Jokes

Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
The Three Couples and Their Honeymoon
The Three Couples and Their Honeymoon Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons. The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon." When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the same question. She told him she was a nurse. The man at the front desk thought "nurses are even sexier. This guy's going to get laid." The third couple checked in right after. The same question was asked. The bride said she was a high school teacher. The man behind the desk scoffed. "Teachers are so strict." He thought. "They'll probably go right to bed." Just an hour later, the first groom came down to eat. "Already? I thought you'd be spending the night with your new wife." Said the man "I tried!" Replied the groom. "But she insisted on tidying up the room." Another hour passed, and the second groom came down to get some food. The man asked "What are you doing down here so early?" And the groom said "Every time I tried to make love to her, she just told me I wasn't clean enough." The man expected the third groom to come down soon, but he never did. He waited for hours and how's. Right near the end of his shift, the man finally saw the third groom come down, looking extremely tired. "There you are!" Said the man. "Did you get enough sleep?" "I never slept." Replied the groom. "My wife kept saying "We're going to do this again and again until you get it right."
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I may not play the guitar but I can pluck your g-string.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
The Super Wife
The Super Wife Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. Sam said, 'Wow I have never seen you play this well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. Sam said to her: 'Wow I have never seen you hit so well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. On the weekend they settled into a nice dinner at home. Rachel brings out the perfect plates of Beef Wellington and Sam says, 'Delicious! I have never seen you cook like this before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. After dinner she gives him THAT look and they go upstairs. About 30 minutes later Sam rolls over and says 'Wow! That was incredible, amazing, so hot! I want a divorce.'
Let's play a game called TV, I turn your knobs and you watch my antennae rise.
Do you play the guitar? Because you can touch strings of my heart
Are you on the drumline? Because I want to play with your stick
What type of music should you play at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Sham-rock!
Perhaps you and your friend would like to play a trio with me?
Would you like to play my organ?
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
The Lonely Child
The Lonely Child A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 14-year-olds. On her first day, she comes to watch the kids playing soccer. She watches as they all get together and starts playing. However, she quickly notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. "You ok?" she says kindly. "Yes." he says. "You can go and play with the other kids you know." she says encouragingly. "It’s best I stay here." he says. "Why’s that sweetie?" asks the compassionate teacher. The boy gives her a weird look and says, “Because I’m the Goalie.”
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