Nurse

A Shocking Royal Visit
A Shocking Royal Visit The Queen of England was visiting one of London's top hospitals recently, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my God!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry." said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a BJ. "Oh my God!", cried out the Queen, "What's happening in THERE??" "Same issue, better health plan." Replied the doctor.
From Work to Worse
From Work to Worse I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor. The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
The Sad Occasion
The Sad Occasion One day, a senior man awoke and made his way to the community breakfast room of his nursing home. \ He looked awful, quite forlorn. Ms. Rudder, a nurse, met him in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly and asked how he was this day. Mr. Ferguson allowed that not all was well; in fact, his penis had died during the night. Ms. Rudder knew that Mr. Ferguson was occasionally a little off mentally, so she merely replied that she was sorry to hear the bad news and went on her way. The next morning Mr. Ferguson was on his way to breakfast again but on this day he was dressed in a coat and tie, and his penis was hanging out of his pants. Sure enough, he met Ms. Rudder whereupon, although somewhat startled, she calmly reminded him that the day before he had told her his penis had died and asked why it was hanging out of his pants. "Today is the viewing."
A Slightly Confused Nurse
A Slightly Confused Nurse Three doctors with a growing private practice decided they needed to hire a new nurse onto their staff to meet their needs. They hired a very qualified applicant named Beth, and met after a week to discuss the new nurse's abilities in her new role. "She does a really good job with the patients, but I'm concerned Beth is mixing things up a bit. I told her her shift was from 7 AM to 5 PM and she showed up at 5 AM the next day." Said the first doctor. The second doctor chimed in, "I have had some similar issues. I told Beth to tell the patient they needed to take one antibiotic every 6 hours and she told them they needed to take 6 every one hour." The third doctor looked shocked, "I have had no issues so far-" The three heard a blood-curdling scream from the next room over. "Oh," said the third doctor, "I see what you mean. I just asked Beth to prick the boil on the patient in the next room."
Will You Stop It?
Will You Stop It? The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor. "In front of you?" He asks shyly. The nurse says: "Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before. The man said, "Not one like mine. You'd die laughing at my naked body." "Of course I won't laugh," said the Nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.” "Okay then," said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and girth it was almost identical to an AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private parts, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Bob replied. She ran out of the room.
A Hard Situation
A Hard Situation A male patient was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse came into his room, ready to give him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,” he mumbled from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replied: “I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.” He struggled to ask again: “Nurse, are my testicles black?” Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from concern about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and sheepishly pulled back the covers. She raised his gown, held his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently. Then, she took a close look and said: “No sir, they aren't. And I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them!!” The man weakly pulled off his oxygen mask, smiled at her and said, very slowly: “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.... “A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?”
A Severely Sunburned Man & an Odd Prescription
A Severely Sunburned Man & an Odd Prescription A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?" The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."
A Clueless Nurse
A Clueless Nurse A doctor is going around the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the man is lying in bad condition, worse than when he came in. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor suspiciously. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed, the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately, at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, taken aback, "did you prick his boil?!?"