The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine.
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don't.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the bartender asks. The Roman replies, "Slow down there! I'll let you know when I want more."
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A llama.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."